Finding Your Holiday Happy With Lacey Steffes

What if the holidays didn't have to be something you just survive? In this episode, Stephanie sits down with Lacey Steffes, owner of Spa Serenity in downtown Baraboo, to talk about creating a holiday season that actually brings you joy.

They dive into the real struggles of the season - from old family dynamics and unhealthy coping mechanisms to the pressure of meeting everyone's expectations. But more importantly, they share practical strategies for setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and finding those micro-moments of joy that make the holidays feel good again.

Whether you're navigating family gatherings sober for the first time, trying to break cycles from your family of origin, or simply want to show up as your authentic self this season, this conversation offers permission to do things differently. From changing the day of Thanksgiving to taking a bath instead of staying late at a party, Stephanie and Lacey remind us that creating holidays on your own terms isn't selfish - it's necessary.

Plus, they share why downtown Baraboo is the perfect place to find human connection and a little retail therapy during the holiday season.

Key Takeaways:

• How to set boundaries with family without burning bridges
• The importance of pre-planning and clear communication
• Why finding your "third place" matters for mental health
• Practical coping mechanisms that don't involve alcohol
• Giving yourself grace when you slip into old patterns

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Transcript

0:22

Hey, it's Stephanie. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of Unwritten. I have Lacey Stephens here. Thank you for being here. Hi. So I don't I've been saving this information, but last year you were number two. well, that's exciting. Yeah. Well, we're here to talk about joy during the holidays. So let's what's what's it take to get to number one? Well, it was Drew. Oh, don't know if I can beat Drew or not. But yeah, you're, you're a challenge accepted. Number two is pretty good. And so, yeah, today we're actually here to talk about the holiday season, but if you could please just do an intro who you are, what you do, and we'll go from there. For sure. Lacey Steffes um from, I own Spa Serenity in downtown Baraboo. um It's been almost 20 years, so that is crazy. We'll be celebrating 20 years in downtown Baraboo next year. I've done that longer than I've done anything. So I had the spa before I was married or had kids. um we also own a power sports company. I've recently taken on a drag race series that we manage, own. um promotion company that handles that um and Steph and I have been coffee date friends for probably almost 20 years. I would say 15 for sure, maybe 17, through all kinds of iterations of our lives. But we have navigated a lot of hard waters and fun, exciting things also over sometimes a five minute cup of coffee. Like sometimes it's a text that's like, I need five minutes this morning. Yeah, and it literally can be that quick. So you sent me a video like a week or so ago and it was all about healthy holidays Yeah, they can happen Kind of you can admit you can you can create healthy Boundaries around your holidays that give you joy in the holidays. Yeah I've heard. You're practicing. I am practicing. We're all working on it, right? We are a in progress. Yeah. What do you think the number one, what's the number one reason why you want, and we both want, a healthier, holiday season? To stop the cycle of, expectation and really bring more joy into our lives, right? We're all trying to bring more joy into our lives. Why does the holiday have the most joyous time of the year have to be the exception to that rule? Like, why do we all feel like we just have to survive the holidays? um I don't think we have to do that. I don't think we have to. um I think last year's quote was about making cookies and like, ah you know, don't stop making the cookies if it doesn't bring you joy. em But I think there's more to that also. em Creating a structure around your own family structure so you're not sharing that with your future generations. Yeah, I think that's kind of a big thing for me that hit home is that it's not really about me or you. It is really about setting the healthy boundaries for whosoever. with us, watching us. It could be our spouse, could be our kids. I think I'm gonna disagree with you and say that it is about you. I think specifically during the holidays, we spend so much effort making it magical for the kids and making sure that we're living up to our parents' expectations of this family structure or Christmas Eve or thing that they had with their families. And I think it is about making yourself happy. I think if we start with bringing ourselves joy and finding little moments of time. oh to create a uh special holiday tradition for yourself, it will help everyone in your family. I do love that because to me it sounds powerful. Yeah, like these little cups. Today when I was coming in I was like, you know what? I think these little cups make me happy. And so I would not normally drink out of this cup, but you know, just it makes you happy. Whether it's like literally like an extra moment to like stop at the coffee shop. I feel like over the weekend I saw people downtown shopping and it was a lot of groups of women and they were like, this is the thing that we do that brings us like the most joy during the holiday season to gather with our friends and experience something new. And like in order to do that, you have to take a weekend that you maybe would have done some other traditional thing and you have to make time for it. Yeah. So it's very cliche sounding, but you literally have to make time. And it might only be five minutes. Yeah. So Thanksgiving is right around the corner, then of course Christmas is right after that, what are some of the things you've actually done wrong in seasons past that you can now? Well, I think there's always the seasons where you're just surviving. And I want to give a nod to that because I do feel like I am in a moment where I could be thriving and um there's always a time and a place for that. But I realize that there are people who and I have even very recently went through holiday seasons where I was just surviving. And that might mean skipping a holiday, just saying like, can't, I can't make it. um I would say those are the things that I haven't done. I haven't created that boundary. I've just went to Christmas even though I knew it was going to be a shit show and I might have been the one bringing the shit show. Like, um, showing up, knowing that I did not have the capacity to handle what was going to be doled out to me. You know, you might go to the holidays and find that your sister's kids are, uh, behave differently your kids. Figuratively. Yes. So, so then there's judgment about how your kids behave differently than someone else's children, um, at a holiday function and why that's weird or crazy or, you know, just judgment that people in our family of origin feel like they have the right to tell you? And maybe they do, but that just may not be the time and place. Yeah, I think for me, em the biggest mistakes I've made is one, probably having a couple drinks before the holidays, know, like pregame before Christmas. Yeah. And then you go to Christmas and then you have more drinks and it just does not add to, to anything good, know? The opportunity for success. Yeah. So I would say that, that stressful drinking, That was a big one. And I also think, yeah, like having this expectation that the kids, like, they need to behave, make sure you say thank you, make sure you eat your, you know, like they. Oh, eating, every kid eats differently. Every grandparent has judgment. And yeah, so like having that expectation that I want my kids to be like the best behaved or something, something super superficial like that. Yeah. I think there's a lot of that, right? We all want to put our best foot forward specifically to our holl- to our, our families, you know, we want to be accepted and loved. Um And so that might look take, might look a specific way or you might think it needs to look a specific way in your family of origin. Can you explain what you mean when you say family of origin? I mean the family that you came from. So the family that you were raised in typically. ah It might not be the family that you live in every day, I guess. So when I think about family of origin, I think about my divorced parents. So my dad and stepmom, and then my mom and her husband on the other side. And then that kind of goes back into their family structures also. So the family that you gather with with your cousins. And um man, those things are, There's a lot of feelings in those big gatherings. Those big Midwest gatherings with all the people. Yeah, and everyone's like whispering, talking shit. Everybody's talking shit on the couch. Who is that guy she brought with her? Where was the guy from last year? I think there is part of that where you don't want to get drawn into it, but you also are unconsciously reliving the patterns or subconsciously, I should say that, subconsciously reliving the old patterns. And you also want to belong. You want to feel like you belong to something during the holidays, because the holidays can be very lonely. However, when you're with your family, sometimes that can feel very, very lonely. And you're just kind of caught in this tornado of emotions, like, OK, why aren't I happy? Why do I feel alone? In comparison. Yeah. Yeah, comparing yourself to others. I would also say our family of origin. brings us back is like, I would say it's like the number one thing that can bring you back to your old coping mechanisms. So I know for a couple years, I was doing all the things. I mean, I'm still am, but like, I was getting up and listening to Mel Robbins every morning and I was working out and I was like, really trying to keep my shit together. But it doesn't matter when you get back in those groups of, you know, the people who spend their days talking about people, you fall right back into the trap. And then you... probably drink a little too much. And then after a couple days of that, or even a day, you wake up and you're like, what happened? Like, how did I go from this person who was, you know, doing the thing every day in your regular life? And then you slip into the holidays and those old coping mechanisms slip right in real easy. Yeah. And I think that's a really good thing to say because for me being newly sober, going into the holiday season for the first time sober. It's always there. Yeah, it can always come back. The brandy slush, eggnog, glass of wine. the culture, the culture. And you know, for me, I and a lot of people that are probably experiencing this being hyper vigilant about your boundaries and journaling and remembering that, OK, this is just a day. I think also thinking about that ahead of it and going into it and maybe timing your visits differently, know, getting out before things, before the football game starts and the old fashioned start pouring and making a plan also. So it's not like you're leaving the event and then you're going to go home and sit by yourself and have total FOMO about what's happening at your holiday party that you're missing, but finding something to do to replace that. brings you joy. Yeah. What sort of things are you kind of thinking of now that are bringing you joy that you can go home and after the holidays to kind of to recenter because we can't really control the who's gonna be there what's gonna be said. How long, mean, you know, like the dynamic, we can't control that. So what sort of things are you thinking you might wanna do after the holidays that will bring you back to center? I mean, it sounds ridiculous and it's probably like the hardest thing to replace like leaving a holiday event where everybody's getting ready to like have a rip roaring good time and go move your body. But really that's like, there's nothing else that replaces that like level of like anxiety and internal turmoil, like going for a walk. or doing something that is, going home and watching TV is not probably gonna fill the void. It's gotta be something that's fun and gets your dopamine up. Probably not gonna be quite as high as it would be if you were sitting at the kitchen table playing Yooker, drinking Bloody Marys with everybody, but it might be. It is, you know, walking, meditating. Not getting on social media. Staying the social media because tomorrow morning you're gonna wake up and you're gonna see how much fun everybody had and you weren't there and that makes it worse. social media is a choice. I think we forget that. You can delete the apps for a few days. And I think too, what we were talking about before, you had showed me this video about, what's the guy's name? I don't know what his name is. He just keeps popping up on my social media feed. All right, well send him over to me and I will share the link season. I think the first video that I had shared with you was that if you're in a family, a healthy family dynamic, you spend time together all year round. So the holidays, the... um like the legacy holiday, you know, that we have to have this on Thanksgiving Day at six o'clock because that's what we've been doing for 40 years. em They demand that holiday and everyone has to be there and it's everybody has to jump through hoops and babies are tired. And Yeah, and I was telling you before we started that for the last few years we have done Thanksgiving on a Thursday at 6 p.m. I kind of forgot that that was the exact time. And how you kind of just wait around all day for Thanksgiving and then you drive to Thanksgiving, it's dark, and then you have dinner and then you're just like exhausted and you just want to go home and go to bed versus maybe changing the day. And you got teary eyed because you know how hard it is for me to talk to my parents about things like that. where to voice my needs and my opinions, and you're getting teary-eyed now. And I was able to voice my opinion about Thanksgiving that maybe if we did it on a different day on the weekend, it might be way more pleasant. And I gave my reasons why. I had zero expectations of an outcome other than, that's nice Stephanie, we're still gonna do it on Thursday. But. They all agreed that Sunday would be a better day. Sunday at noon sounds way better to everybody in my family. And it was really cool. I really felt like I had a say. You were heard. I was heard. And regardless of what the outcome was, the fact that I was able to use my voice to talk about my concerns, I think is super important. And I encourage everybody to do it because it freed me. it freed a lot of negativity with me knowing that I can speak in my family dynamic and be heard. That's all we really want, I think that's all we really want. we also have to know what we want. Ooh. That takes time and patience. Yeah. And I think that... I had a woman on the podcast and she just talked constantly about using our voice, using our voice, using our voice. And I think the more that we use our voice, the more often we are gonna come into um connection with our truth. um I think using your voice and kind of going back to knowing what you want, really checking in with yourself. How does this feel right now? When you walk into a holiday party or you walk into work or wherever your place is, what is the feeling that you're experiencing? Is it a feeling in the pit of your stomach? Is it a tightness in your chest? Does it feel open and joyful and you're welcome? And really, really digging into those. And sometimes you can't dig into it in the moment, just like put a pin in it and uh maybe think about it tomorrow when you're drinking out of your cute coffee cup. They are freaking cute. So let's go back to like the coping mechanisms because, you know, I'm thinking about myself right now and something that I might want to do for myself that isn't going to take. OK, yeah, there is my. There's my problem isn't going to take a lot of space. It isn't a lot, but it's a little just a little bit because that's all I think I deserve joking, but truthfully. um You know, I was just thinking too of just having a puzzle to do. Oh. You know, it's why not? Yeah. Why not go get something that you're going to enjoy like a coffee cup or a puzzle? Spend $30 on something. And then the day of these stressful things, you do have. Like a little bit. So it is going to take a little bit of pre-planning. You can't wake up Thanksgiving Day and be like, oh, I need a pink coffee cup from Spa Serenity And I think we can just talk for a second about Downtown Baraboo because it's super cute. also, they're just taking that time to walk around and shop. Create an experience. Create an experience for yourself and find something for yourself that is going to make you feel happy. I think honestly when you were talking about like what is your thing that you're gonna do to fill the space? Think about the thing that brings you joy. Is it taking a bath? Is it putting a puzzle together? Is it cooking something? So maybe you just came from Thanksgiving, but you're like I want to make a really nice breakfast for my family tomorrow and that will fill time and maybe you know setting the stage I would say also part of this is clear communication with the people who are in your circle. So your significant other, your kids, whoever traveling and doing the holiday thing with you. Just having communication with them about maybe how things are changing too. In your needs. In your needs. What you would like to see happen and everybody in your life is most likely going to poke fun at you and not everybody but a lot of people are gonna poke fun at you and be like, let me guess mom wants to leave early tomorrow. So yes mom wants to leave early tomorrow so we can get to the holidays on time so we can go see grandma. the nursing home, like those are important things to me and this is what I'm asking from you. Yeah, so making a list beforehand. Making a list, but it also needs to be communicated in a way that people can hear it. You screaming at the kitchen island at 6 a.m. Everybody get out of bed because we gotta go to Christmas. That is not the great way to communicate it. em And it's really uncomfortable to pre-plan those conversations if you're not used to doing it. Yeah. So again, get comfortable being uncomfortable. Yeah, so next time you guys are like sitting around the dinner table the whole family Just be like, you know what? I'm trying something different We're gonna be at Christmas or Thanksgiving for an hour or two and then I'm coming home and I'm gonna take a bath and I'm gonna lock the door and no one can it I'm not gonna answer for however long and maybe just you know, giving everybody a chance to. Yeah, then they can, they have the opportunity to go decompress however they want. know, depending on the age of your kids, if you have kids or whoever else is in your household, but em yeah, clear communication is kind. And it is hard. I've been doing this. I mean, I've been working on communicating and probably seven or eight years, I would say really. And it's still hard to say. Hey, can we talk about this weekend? I would just want to like talk through what's going to happen or what we have going on and kind of how everybody in the house needs to show up and be prepared so we can keep the train moving. Um, and also checking in to make sure that they want to, if they're old enough that they want to keep doing those things. Yeah. You know, giving them an opportunity to bow out maybe of one or two of the holiday activities. If it's not. And make their own choices. Yeah. You know, something I've even had on my to-do list lately is it uh just says communication, right? So it just reminds me that I want to go on YouTube for 10 minutes and watch some reels on better communication. Yeah. You know, there's nothing wrong with adding some of these, like what seems like super simple. things to our to-do list so that when you are driving, maybe because we're not really taught how to communicate, we're not really taught how to undo some of the programming, maybe now is a great time to listen to some podcasts like this one. But it is never too late to start having better holidays, better family dynamics. And with these boundaries that we're talking about and speaking our needs, not only does it help free us up, but it gives the other person that we're in relation with the opportunity to see beyond surface with us too. maybe it can be healing for everybody involved if you allow it. I think also communication going back to pre-communication in your household. I would also say communication pre-communication maybe to your parents or whoever you're going to visit. um It's definitely easier to make a phone call. Please make a phone call, don't send a text. Also, if you have something difficult to say, it always comes off better in a... uh verbal, but just say like, hey, just wanted to let you know we're gonna be there. I know Thanksgiving's at noon. We're gonna come at 1030, but we're gonna have to leave by two. So just wanted to let you know. if you've got anything planned afterwards, um you give the person who's receiving the information an opportunity to. to make plans, em even if they are angry about it and they might be angry or disappointed, probably more than angry. em And or when you arrive, also letting people know just so it's not at any opportunity, I guess, to communicate. If you have a feeling that Aunt Sarah is going to be mad that you're leaving early, just tell Aunt Sarah you're leaving early. It's better to do that than to leave early and have. Whole hella baloo happen when you walk out the door because that feels awful. Yeah for everybody and I know the sounds Silly, but I had a friend Tell like she's like we'll just lie just say your tire Flat tire. No Just be honest never gonna work Maybe for like a little bit be honest. Yeah, yeah, that's what your feelings and your and your communication and And it just, it'll free you up because what happens is every year we get to revisit these holiday wounds. And if we start this year, next year is gonna be easier. And then the following year is gonna be easier. And then hopefully, you know, the people in our family dynamic, they're also gonna be growing. Like we can be a positive example in our family. And I know, You know, we want to be the positive example at work. We want to be the positive example with our friends and all this stuff. you know, we really can take these values and these goals and who we want to be. And we can share that with people that might think we're still 16 years old and drinking Busch Light in the garage. knows? know, every family, every family gathering is like just a collection of all the things that you've messed up when you were 16 to 25. Yeah. And then like I am aware of what happened then. Yeah, but that was actually 30 years ago. Yeah I do think too if you need, if you, not to lie, but if you do need, if you can't. figure out how to say we're not doing that, plan a trip, plan a something. Like there's no way to, there's, and they're still gonna be disappointed, but then you're like physically not in the space. You don't have to, it's a lot to fill two or three days or two days um with things to do at home when you could really just drive the 30 minutes to grandma's house. But if you really want to avoid that and start new traditions, get out of town. I also think we've talked a lot about um holidays and change, know, like going through big changes or showing up in a different way. I also think that their space, this is something that I've been not struggling with, but just like the reality of has set in um over the last year. there is some of those like, uh let's say high school friendships or friend or relationships within your family. There is actual value to and sometimes putting down the, you know, this very structured rhythm that you have in your head because you're kind of regimented at home or you're, you you're working on something, maybe you're writing a book or you're, um and you have this life that you're living at home and then you come into the holiday season and you gather with people from your past. um There is value also and sometimes just setting some of those today's rhythms down. and enjoying those relationships. I'm not saying that everything has to change all the time. You don't have to be the new person with new boundaries and the new, like sometimes it's good to just go back and be the person you used to be. There is value in that person, right? oh You know, we're constantly changing some of us more rapidly than others. But for me, just like enjoying that space where I'm with people who have known a previous version of me forever and just being. Yeah. There's there's value there. Yeah. And just being even grateful, grateful for who you were and who you ever come. Yeah, think about, honestly think about the plot of every Hallmark movie, every Sweet Home Alabama, like those are like going back to your roots and appreciating and valuing the things that are traditions and experiences there. um That doesn't mean that you have to go right back to whoever you were in 1998, but. you still can maintain your boundaries and your ethics and, you know, uh what is important to you. But it's OK. Yeah, it's almost like you can leave your ego at the door. Yeah. It's OK to do that. Yeah. I was just thinking about Hallmark movies and how they all come in like, waity, waity, like, this is me. Look good out for I've come. And then they always go back to like the hot dude that he's their high school. Yeah. uh He's losing the Christmas tree farm. It's cookie company. Yeah, it's cookie. Aw, yeah. But there is, I don't know, I guess we're complicated beings, right? We have a history, we have our current life, and we have whatever is going to be in the future. And so trying to find a way inside of us to embrace all of those versions of ourselves. And yeah, because at the end of the day, we are left with ourselves. So whatever we go in to the holiday season with, we have to just make sure somehow we're taking that back out somewhere, some way. It's almost like you're entering a tunnel. I know that sounds bad. You and I both love the holidays. For sure, I wouldn't be drinking out of this pink coffee cup if I didn't. Right. For sure. And... So I don't want to think about it as you're going into this tunnel and hopefully you come out the other side unwounded. But there's part of that that you do just have to figure out how to stay true to yourself, that core self. There's got to be some sort of string attached. to your core, your center that you can keep coming back to so that you do have the energy and the wherewithal to come out positive. Positive, be a positive, not false positive, but positive light in your own life. Finding the little slivers of joy. Yeah, within yourself. Yeah, and within an experience? Mm-hmm. Again, I do just want to say, this is not... This isn't something that you can't do every single holiday season, but also acknowledging the fact that there are some people... in this moment, I have had them recently and I will have them again in the future, where you're just going into a holiday season, whether someone is ill or somebody's really struggling in your immediate family. And that does impact the holidays also. So really trying to find ways to find your sliver of joy, even in those. years slash seasons that you're in a really hard place. Divorce, you you just experienced a loss. em It makes every holiday season a little different. Yeah, you know, know going way back when I couldn't afford Christmas presents for the kids, you know, like that's a real... It's real. but that doesn't mean that we can't still find those little pieces. And I think even in those struggles, that's like the most important time to find some gratitude and. Yeah. Enjoy a cup of hot cocoa. Yeah. Free Christmas movie. Yeah. And because it's OK to not be OK. But it's OK to not be OK and feel kind of good. You can still have those moments to feel good. There's nothing wrong with that. And I think the other thing is showing up the moments when you are not in that place, the years that you're not in that place, being able to show up for somebody who might be in that place. cousin Jessica is sitting in the corner and she really looks like she's struggling, maybe sit down and eat a piece of pie with her and just check in and... Say, how are you? I feel like I'm definitely like one of the woo woo people in my family, you know? The people who might ask you how you're feeling. No, really, how are you feeling? Actually, that's kind of like an inside joke. Not inside, but in my husband's family, I'll be like, we can talk about your feelings if you'd like, because I'm happy to. You definitely have some. um And I think it's OK in the right time and place. And somebody might tell you to buzz off. That's OK. But. um Yeah, supporting people around you um when you have a little extra bandwidth to give. If you don't have any extra bandwidth, don't ask. One thing I know we didn't talk about this beforehand, but I touched on it briefly because I do think that and this is not at all a plug. This is real life that for me going downtown and buying a book so or going downtown on a Saturday and think the special thing about downtown Baraboo is just having human interactions with people. So honestly, if you're looking for a place for a human interaction, um get into your downtown, whether it's downtown Baraboo or your community downtown, um because that interaction that you're going to have with rob over the counter at the bookstore or... good or for bad. For good or for bad. While someone's passing you a cup of coffee. Those are human interactions and I do think without getting way far down the rabbit hole, that random act of small talk is something that we are really missing in our lives. And so our downtowns provide that. Like there are people who work in these stores and they love the merchandise that they've brought in. They know who made it. They know where it's made and why that person's making merchandise. And they're happy to share that story with you. So you really can find a gift for yourself or someone else that has like some real value. and the value of currency, the story that goes along with it. um That's the special part about Downtown Baraboo. Yeah, and how many businesses are owned by women in Downtown Baraboo? A lot of them, like probably 60 or 70%. If they're not solely women owned, they're owned by a couple and the woman is definitely part of it. um Yeah, we have... 40 ish retail slash restaurant em And we've got a few new lounges that have opened up which are super fantastic and a lot of the lounges downtown uh Whisk cocktail and Gina Jenny's is the newest one used to be Konamichi They have great mocktail menus also. So if you are in a situation where you're trying to Spend less time with alcohol. Those are options where you can go out and be part of social scene and They still have really fun programmable cocktails. Yeah. Mocktails. Mocktails. Yeah. Um, yeah, so downtown variable has like five weekends of family fun. call it basically from now until Christmas. Um, stores are open seven days a week. Um, on Saturdays we have horse drawn wagon rides and visits with Santa from 11 to two. Um, coming up is the holiday wine walk, which is sold out. So that's great. and then on Saturday, November 22nd, we have the Christmas market downtown and then it's followed by the Christmas light parade. where we welcome Santa into downtown. So um really opportunities for magical things. And all of those things, like I said, are free events. So um if you are in a time where money is tight, there's a lot of opportunities to experience some holiday magic in downtown Baraboo, um and you don't have to buy anything. You know, I can't say enough good things about the business owners in downtown Baraboo, because you walk in. and they engage with you, they talk to you, like you said, they're just excited. They're just excited for their own. their businesses and that kind of energy definitely, if you're having kind of a quiet day or a slow day and you just need that, a little boost of people, Downtown Bear was a great place to go. You're not gonna feel ignored or alone or you'll feel special. Yeah, and not just during the holidays, like summer is fun, the farmers markets, I feel like every time I'm in downtown and like walking around, um I just feel better about life. Yeah, I do too. a happy place. It's happy to see people having fun and engaging and being positive and... Yeah. Yeah, it's a magical place. It is a magical place. I Beirut is amazing. Even just, I mean, downtown Beirut is amazing, but we have Devil's Lake for hiking. I mean, you can really, you can really cure... at least a couple hours of depression by coming this way. Yeah, whatever else. Whether it's a hike or some retail therapy or just a good cup of coffee. Yeah. We have it all. We do have an overwhelming amount of coffee shops, when I was in Montana a couple of years ago, I noticed that there was a ton of coffee shops in all over. Just seemed like every two or three streets. And I asked somebody, was like, what, you know, what is, why are there so many coffee shops? And they had said, since COVID, it's just like a place for people to gather, which makes sense. At the time I was working on the library board and we were working on an expansion in Baraboo and the library is a third place. So your home is one place, your work is one place, and then you typically have a third place where you gather. um Sometimes, historically, it's been a bar. um It's the place where you go for like entertainment or um to gather. And libraries can be that place, but they can also be coffee shops. And I do think since there's kind of a movement for less people being in bars, um which is unfortunate for bar owners, but um coffee shops have popped up as the place for people to gather and share ideas and also have that small talk and enjoy each other's company. em So I think that's why we're seeing such a surge in coffee shops. Yeah, and I know Bear Boo's getting more. Yeah, our friend Dan is opening a brick and mortar. Yeah, and I think it's fantastic. Yeah. I support them all pretty much equally as I'm sure my credit card statement can test. I know if I haven't been, sometimes I'll think like, I haven't really spent a lot of money this week. And it's like, yeah, no, I have. Six dollars at a time. Happily. Take my money, please. OK, so I feel like we've talked about ways to kind of get through the holidays, we've talked about staying true to yourself. And I think the one thing I do want to talk about real quick is just like the healing process that we all go through on a daily basis that we don't really give ourselves credit for. And again, I was just thinking about how, we're back at the same spot we were a year ago, you and I. think of how much we've changed in the last year and give the people in your life that same grace and realize that they've been changing too. um I think I've changed. One of the things that I feel like I'm most proud about in the last year is like having a better sense of I know what the thing is that needs to be done. I feel like I went through a phase um trying to empower or impose upon people like Helping them through the process of what needs to be done. It was in my professional life and my personal life like helping I don't want to say guide people um As opposed to just like knowing in my gut what needs to be done and saying this is what we should do Yeah, I feel like I've spent a lot of time maybe It's not something new. Maybe it's the like playing small. Like in my head, I know if we do A, B and C, it's going to result in D and it's we're going to get there. But I don't want to be overbearing. I don't want to be loud. I come from a very big family of lots of loud, overbearing people. And I think maybe that is like uh a thing that I don't want to be. I don't want to be the loud aunt that is constantly demanding. So in that, I would kind of be quiet and maybe make suggestions and help people navigate, myself included, to what needs to be done. And I think, honestly, just within the last couple of months, I have found there's a way that I can be assertive and communicate clearly what needs to be done without being overbearing and obnoxious. There are things that I just know about and know how to do. And You're talking about within your business, within your own structure. Correct. Within things that I am financially responsible for or mentally or emotionally. Yeah. Knowing, being able to trust my gut and say, I appreciate what you're doing, but do it this way. Yeah. Because this is going to result in... Efficiency. I think that's why you and I have had quite a bit of success in our businesses is because we have trusted our gut and we have made decisions. And I think for both of us, it is like, okay, we've done this for ourselves. And now we're at the age and we're at the skill set and the knowledge that now we can, we do have something to offer the 20 something year olds that are, wanna own their own business or start photography or whatever and start a podcast, know, like, there is value in what we have to say as well. Yeah, you've earned it. Yeah, we've earned it. we put in your time. Yeah. it's doing a disservice by not speaking. So you're not the crazy aunt, I'm not the crazy aunt. I mean, I probably am, but like, whatever, I own it. You know, my crazy aunt stuff is because I don't settle and there's nothing wrong with that. And there will always be people that judge you for not settling. Isn't it good enough? Why isn't good enough good enough for you? Yeah. I actually had a friend probably a year or two ago who was like, you're always reaching for, and I was like, yeah, I am. Like, what's wrong with that? Yeah, nothing. If that bothers you, then stop listening. Yeah. And just do you. How about that? but also do it in a healthy way. Yeah. Don't do it in a self sabotaging. I'm going to go. key some cars or some shit, you know? I mean, yeah, don't do it in that way, but also if you're in the holiday season and you do slip into an old coping mechanism and you do some self-sabotaging... I thought you were gonna say meth. No. Just find yourself... Meth could be part of your self-sabotage, whatever. But if you do slip into an old coping mechanism, give yourself some grace. Because we all... It's way easier to do what you've been doing for 20 years than it is to do what you've been doing for six months. And if you fall off the wagon and you literally fall off the wagon... Get back on. Yeah. Tomorrow's a new day. If you say something awful to somebody because they break you, say you're sorry. You always have an opportunity to make it right with someone else or with yourself So let's just recap real quick for the holiday season. Stay true to yourself. And. Do something that brings you joy. Yes, even if it's just like a micro thing. joy, unless you want to go big. Microdosing. Yeah, micro dose your joy and happiness or just go all in. Yeah. And what else was there? I do hard things, honestly. Create the boundaries, have the hard conversations, just have them as soon as possible. um Rip the bandaid off. um Take the jump. Take the jump. Save the thing in a healthy way. Think about what you want your goal to be. Set goals. How do I want today to roll? At the end of the day, how do I want to feel about today? I want to feel that my belly's full and my heart's full OK. how can people follow along on your journey? Where do you spend most of your time on socials? Oh, that's a good. um Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, they all have kind of different algorithms depending on what we're doing. Sposr entity and pause facial bar definitely still Facebook and Instagram. um Gateway, there's funny stuff that happens there every day. So um we definitely live a little more on TikTok, but we've got an older clientele. So Facebook, um yeah, I'm out there hustling every day. I am currently spending my time. kind of divided amongst the three. um Right now probably more it's phosphorinity because it's the season. um And we don't have snow yet today. Right, yeah. It's coming. I know I've got clients that are waiting for snow and it's like, yeah, it's green out right now. So good luck with that. Yeah. OK, cool. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Another holiday season.